I have a firm faith in God at least my own concept of her.
The Tao speaks of her in everything...
Somedays I find it hard to think that anything is planned though
like everything is accidental and noone is at fault for the bad things that happen in our lives
or that happen to our loved ones. Maybe we are all just accidents waiting to happen.
My brain always reassures me though and those accidents are beautiful when we look back like
a picture made from a thousand smaller pictures.
when men open doors and walk into the rain at
3 a.m.
like apes trying relocate their last stool
when sleep wants to kill itself
and somebody richer than you
mounts a machine gun upon his roof
to at you as you search
garbage cans
I say,
--hello to rocks in the sun
--how long does love stay green?
as your heart lies next to a dead chicken
outside of a liquor store
as the pain screams in your cemetary bones
I say,
--where did the big dreams go?
--hello to the rocks in my shoes
and i can buy a rifle for ten dollars and
the collected works of Karl Marx
and a loaf of bread runs with ants
and they'll find me snoring on the road to
somewhere else I've been dreaming of
and mistake me for a snake
I'll say,
--you can fuck with me
--just leave me my ribs.
i wrote this for a baby who is yet to be born
my first child hope that wounds not too warm
cause its cold out here and itll be quite a shock to feel this air to discover loss...
so i would like to make some changes before you arrive
so when your new eyes meet mine they wont see no lies...
just love
just love
just a few more days till...i can sleep at home no floors...less of somethings though...
i am still blessed with a few great friends they know who they are...
love and gratitude
I cant see anything but dog's asses and
mutilated twilights
I would like to venture foward
into optimistic hope
not only of human survival
but also the survival of human
thought and music and art and painting and
history,
but you know its like an inside tip I got
from an inside source:
I see it all dragging down
turning to burnt bacon
I see my face in the crippled begging pennies from
crippled madman,--
anything conjured like that,--
it all goes down begging
down the twisting landslide
past the valleys
the condemned and zero laughter of
the audience waiting.
you know all thats come to this
is everything we've deserved
the dark is empty;
most of our heros have been
wrong.
Its not exactly the sun.
Its a yellow light.
I mean walking down the sidewalk.
Its a yellow light
Soundless.
Picking up the telephone
Peeling an orange
Its the yellow light.
Shoot an arrow through it
Its yellow
Fight with her
at night.
it moves across the rooms
between you
yellow--
I saw it at my Mother's funeral
I saw it in the garden
I saw it sliding among the bottles at
the liquor store.
That's not Eric.
I dont know what that is.
It sits inside me now
and yet it looks at me
from the walls
We cant nail this one on the cross
We'll live with it.
Like with live with dresser drawers
dogs
cats
roaches
If it comes to see you
dont phone me
Ive gone
unlisted.
Bukowski says love is a dog from hell....
I tend to disagree.
Love is a Sun.
Tonight is a windy blustery night.
I'm kept awake.
the wind sounds like angry voices...
Screaming at your windows
beating invisible tree branch fingers scratching sandpaper.
Red dogs will haunt my dreams tonight debarked rasping chasing
giraffes catching fire;orange black grey pink; raise from ponds.
Bukowski says love is a dog from hell....
I tend to disagree.
Love is a Sun.
It catches everything on fire.
-Eric Forrest
imgladigotsomegoodfriendsandeveniftheyarefewtheyaretherewithmethroughthehardtimesaswellasthebadtimes
badtimesseemgetworseformecomparedtowheniwasdrinkingthisdoesntevencompare....in mantra meditation you find your own groove in repeating certain phrases...I use threes or nines
thankyouthankyouthankyou...
omahumomahumomahum...
Photos arent photos when you get lonely.
They are your memories.
I got dirt under my fingernails.
I got friends who will leave me.
He said "I will that clothing proudly prouder."
Vomit tuck to his clothing and smelt of clam chowder.
Adios Red Dragon of the south may your days pass quickly and may your nights fall separately with dreams unscorched of my past...
Fridays make a fine day to count your fillings, to count your ribs (i have 24) and sketch new tattoos...
I hope you take care
hungout with girlfriend ate pizza have to work at seven...i guess life cant be that bad...i have a smile on my face.
love and gratitude
i seem to really like numbers by threes...and nines....i am trying to remember how i got like that...
3x3=9...my lucky number...
3x7=21(my age)
3x6(or 9x2)=18 a number i was obsessed with because it meant adulthood..or the excitement of adolesent adulthood haha
im a weirdo i know...oh well...
well here i am....blogging...haha ive had another site for the longest time....(www.freewebs.com/ericduerden) but its not a blog and noone ever follows it...sad sad eric.
so here we are...itll give me something to do. things are going...i never seem to get to decide exactly how things happens in my crazy life...i like to think its simple but im reminded frequently that its complex.
Love and Gratitude,
ericduerden
3-3-10
tommorow i will have dated dayna freeman for four months haha...im a lucky man.
